tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26451809739046954142024-03-21T04:26:59.154-04:00Whose Life is it Anyway?A place for the real issues that affect women. Sometimes when you read it, see it, or hear it clearly, you start to wonder how can I work with it and make it work for me. Women have issues, but women are resilient and can overcome, it's just reassuring to be able to see that there are others in the same boat. (Fellas, maybe you can find something from this perspective that may help you.)djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-54468169934983408742014-10-04T12:25:00.001-04:002014-10-04T12:25:16.769-04:00From Within<div>
It has been a while, to say the least. Writing creeps up in me, and until I put pen to paper, finger to keyboard, or even voice to recorder, I cannot rest. As I breathe in and allow my thoughts to flow, hoping for the best, I then prepare to share it. </div>
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This morning as I looked at the colors on leaves that declare the season's beauty, I realized something about us. My belief is that we are connected to nature and the universe. As our bodies and mind work to keep us going, so does the earth. We mimic many things from the processes of Earth's maintenance. For example, the chlorophyll that makes leaves green, overpower the other colors that already exists within, dominating the leaf's color. In the fall, as the tree takes in energy to prepare for the winter, the green fades and the colors that were hidden are revealed in all it's beauty. The process protects the tree and keeps it alive as it braves cold winters. Although many of us feel suffocated at times, we somehow find strength within us to keep going. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting rid of something that is overpowering us. It can be negative energy that may arise without notice that can hide the strength to keep positive. A situation that we may not be truthful with ourselves about may make us feel powerless as we keep going like robots. Sometimes when we let go of certain things, the beauty that is left behind is unique and has always been part of each of us. Realizing the strength within helps us maintain as we brave cold "winters". </div>
djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-19995883471233502242013-11-09T09:56:00.001-05:002013-11-09T10:03:21.346-05:00Morning GloryI never realized how much my past affected my present, and will inevitably affect my future, until I realized who I have now become just this morning. Once I separated and eventually divorced, I told myself, never again! Never will I give myself up for the sake of love. I went on a journey to discover what I was about and what I enjoyed. I enjoyed seeing the world through my eyes, uninhibited by the opinions of someone who held me hostage mentally. I thrived and I enjoyed getting to know the me that had been screaming inside. As I woke up this morning, I realized that I was still a hostage. Reflecting upon my actions, I have noticed that I am meticulous at time with choices I make so that I wouldn't be judged. Other times I am cold and won't let emotions get me caught up. Although there are times of freedom, the times that I am truly unrepressed which is when I am the happiest, these times are short lived. I check myself and hold back. I stand stubbornly strong with the idea of never again. Never again will a man choose for me. Never again will a man dictate my life or who I am, never again will I care for someone more than I care for myself. The fear of losing myself is still within me. I try to combat all the signs of the past by standing my ground. As these "never agains" resurface and stunt my growth, I become bitter. I also become wishy washy as to what I want, questioning if I am truly happy and if I am, will the guards I have let down to be so, comeback and kick me in the ass.<br />
Caught in the tangles of experiences of good and bad, I stand still. I haven't written in a while, confused by the fog in my mind of what I truly want. This post may seem vague, but mimics the mental struggles of learning from a life lived and a life I strive for. Naming the struggle, admitting that I am still held hostage, ironically has me feeling a bit liberated this morning. Maybe now as I recognize my patterns and fears, I can flourish.<br />
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<br />djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-15365594429557017522013-01-27T11:11:00.000-05:002013-01-27T11:11:53.625-05:00Shine!It's hard to look back at the person I was and admit that I had low self-esteem. I don't know if it was because of the way I was raised...to be modest and humble, or if it was because of years of dimming my light so not to upset his, maybe it's influenced by both, but I was always shying away from notice or doubting my self worth. I wore a hard outer shell, which never allowed for anyone to get too close. The tough exterior hid the timid, fragile being that rested in silence on the inside. As the years added up, I built a road that led me to self sufficiency and strength. Through reflection, learning and perseverance, I was able to build confidence. With each stepping stone, I became more aware of my light, and was eager to let it shine. I may have a funny stroll, but I walk on proudly. I may stumble over my words, but as many of you know, I keep talking. The small changes freed me to become comfortable with me. As I showed glimpses of my light, by just sharing some lessons learned or just by doing my thing, I was surprised to see how people reacted around me. These small changes I thought I was making for myself, encouraged others. Who knew?<br />
I have now come to a point where I don't want to cower so I'm not noticed. Seeing folks smile, or their moods changing for the better, makes me feel good. When we finally let our own light shine, it inspires others to let their own shine!<br />
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<br />djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-24377238049123194162012-12-08T12:29:00.001-05:002012-12-08T12:29:08.080-05:00In The ShowerI don't know what it is, but as soon as I hit the shower, ideas pour out as if it was the water itself washing over me. I think from one area of my life to the next. Ideas that if I had a pen would be seen as profound! <i> Is profound to deep of a word for me to use about myself?</i> Shit, I even check myself, and wonder if I am worthy of such words. Then it got me to thinking, why am I scared of my own brilliance?<br />
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I have come to terms with how I lived for so long. I had practiced and succeeded in dimming my light. So much so, that now when those ideas seep through my being, I reject and question who am I? The ideas are uplifting me, and I would hope would uplift others, but I shy away from putting myself out there. Who am I to do so? <br />
The shower is the one place that no one interrupts my train of thought. It is the one place that I can be one with the universe and receive the gifts. Today I found myself laughing at the thought of my life. People always say being your true self is the only way to be happy, and yet pressures have us succumbing to an idea of what life should be. Is it selfish of me to want to be myself? My roles in life dictate who I am, and yet the strength within fights those roles so that I may enjoy me in our physical presence on earth. I always feel bad or guilty if I don't pick up a phone call from my children while I am writing, so I pick up, and lose my ideas. Should I jump back in the shower? Naaah, I'm already very prunny. <br />
Back to those ideas...when will I ever be ready to let my light truly shine? I have been sitting on a book for most of my life. It wakes me up at night. I have written many chapters, yet I let it sit. I read and reread it, not ready to let it out to the world. People always ask me, what am I waiting for? If your not an artist, you won't understand. Artistry is part of your being. What if it is not accepted? What if people don't like it? What if I am putting too much out there for the world to judge? What if? What if...has me a bit stifled. Although, deep down within me, I know I will be ready one day, as with anything, there is a time and place. I appease the writer within by writing this blog, or keeping so busy that I don't stop to think about it. Yet, it lives and breathes. I'm just hoping that I find strength to let it grow and flourish as it has already germinated. djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-85162347931383945702012-10-14T09:29:00.001-04:002012-10-14T09:30:45.136-04:00Shifting My Gears!I started out my new school year with much enthusiasm and excitement. After only a month, my gears are starting to downshift and I'm not liking where it's going. Life is overwhelming me and I feel as though I am holding my head above water, just enough to take a small breath. I tend to quiet myself, avoiding others so that I could regain my strength. I become pensive and others start to wonder about my usual cheery self. I am trying to counter act all the negatives pulling me down with the positives that I usually find to hold me up, but at this point I need to look for reinforcements!!!<br />
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Different avenues for inspiration always seem to find its way to me. Or maybe I open myself up to such opportunities, but I use the forces to help me move on. I remember a few years back, I was in tears, but still forced myself to go to the gym. As I walked on the treadmill, trying to psych myself out for a run, I looked up reading the T-shirt of the girl in front of me. It said, "Life Goes On!" I laughed out loud, thinking "I know this," but yet I was caught up in self pity that I couldn't get out of my own way. I ran for 20 minutes, confident in knowing that I was going to get through. <br />
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And now, I find myself confused about how to deal or change how things are going. I feel pulled in many directions and feel obligated to be a certain way, basically type cast in a responsible mother role. Although many things around me are changing, I feel stagnant and afraid to move.<br />
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The other night I was watching television, which I rarely do, but it was that kind of a day. I caught the end of <i>Iyanla: Fix My Life. </i>Each episode is about Iyanla helping others solve their problems. After she summarized the process of that particular episode, she closed the show with her tag line, "Through muddy waters....Stay in peace, not pieces." Just that few minutes reminded me that I am at peace, even through tribulations. I am comfortable in my own skin and confident in my skills. <br />
What ever it is, it shall be, and I will be okay, maybe even better on the other side of it!djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-37324478028305631382012-05-27T12:51:00.000-04:002012-05-27T13:54:23.037-04:00Help!As a little girl, my mother didn't do much for me. She guided me, but I did the rest. If I didn't know how to do something, I would ask questions, observe and then apply to my situation. Simple things like setting my hair in rollers to unclogging a toilet or bathtub, became things that I could do, and never had to ask for help. When I became a mother, I knew how to do many things to hold down a fort, to a fault. I am wonderwoman! I would work things out and situations would end up better than expected, because of my creative effort.
This characteristic has helped me and helps me survive in many ways. The mind-set I work in is always a positive one. I always believe that I'll work it out. (Don't get me wrong...at times frustrations do take over.) Over the years I have added to my "toolbox" and now feel confident in my skills. Now to speak on this "To a fault" is what has lead me to sometimes being overwhelmed. I believe that I can get everything done for myself and others, but why do I do it? Why am I so stubborn that I can't ask for help?
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. I have always said that people need people. That's why we have family, friends, cohorts of people around us. I believe this, but yet have a hard time reaching out. I'm trying to work on that starting with my grown children, who sees the wonderwoman and think I'm good, while I'm thinking...Nah I really don't need anything else to do. I want to be one of those people Barbara Streisand sings about in Funny Girl, "People." "People, People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world." After all, wonderwoman had the justice league.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-26272014652532352912012-03-05T15:04:00.010-05:002012-03-07T17:23:34.725-05:00Hold On...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPxgvky8TtwxtEhFgwaf3lTyGnbeyRZXOFTfxDf2CPuY8tTPt4qsUNvLFJW-ZuTU8pJa9uyVhB85gX2DLVs3T2TdaZx9hH739VFw15kYALqRPuDAq1dvsI__3Q6LocDBSsrhYrGInYq1A/s1600/holding_hands.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPxgvky8TtwxtEhFgwaf3lTyGnbeyRZXOFTfxDf2CPuY8tTPt4qsUNvLFJW-ZuTU8pJa9uyVhB85gX2DLVs3T2TdaZx9hH739VFw15kYALqRPuDAq1dvsI__3Q6LocDBSsrhYrGInYq1A/s320/holding_hands.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717282998961147394" /></a><br />How hard is it to hold true to self when in a relationship? I understand compromising and adjusting to make relationships work, but when is it too much? I think about how folks are attracted to the essence of another, but as soon as they are in a relationship, each one starts to change to conform, thinking that they are helping the relationship. Or as with many relationships, many try to change their partner to better fit their needs or ideas of what they want in a relationship. As a result, sooner or later down the line, one or both people become resentful or are no longer fulfilled in the relationship leading to a breakdown and/or breakups. <br />As we enter into relationships, we enter in a way that has been affected by previous relationships. Some folks are timid and careful, several go in fully, while others even go in knowing that there is no future in it. Past hurts become present lesson learned and many times building blocks to walls built for protection from those same hurts. Past hurts also work to help us recognize patterns into what can happen in the new relationship, hence the timidness. Depending on how we have dealt with the hurts, it can hurt or help the new relationship.<br />As we grow and learn about each other, we might be bothered by idiosyncrasies, which, by the way, we once thought was cute, and speak on it. "Why do you always do that?" becoming "Can you not do that!?" Or we might even have disagreements on certain things that we hold dear, like our values, ideals or even on how to best rear children, leading to one hushing their own feelings to make peace. So where does that leave us?<br />Relationships are important! We should have that one person that knows the inner workings of our being. It's also nice to have someone that you can share and chill with, and is available to you. But, how do we hold on to ourselves and not end up by ourselves?djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-62313237795082550552012-02-12T07:35:00.005-05:002012-02-12T08:44:16.732-05:00And You Know This Maaaan!When we get shocking news, like Whitney Houston is dead at 48, we are then reminded that life is short! (May she rest in peace!) What is it about the way we live, that we forget and take for granted those things that are the most important, like spending time with family and friends, or the fact that we are able to rise up out of our bed and see what the day holds? We make excuses as to why we can't do the simplest thing like paying attention to our life. Many can't see past their own pain and as a result disregard the presence of joy in other things around them. Our own life gets in the way!<br /><br />Growing up my family was close. So close that we all lived on the same street, for a time the same house. Together my family bought a six family house to house the growing clan. We started to spread out as we got older, but my grandparents remained the center fixture that brought us back together at the end of each day or at least weekends and definitely holidays. We did everything together! I went to high school with so many of my cousins, I believed that that was what everybody did. (I don't know if that's saying much, since we Cape Verdeans are all related...lol) My friends were my cousins. My mother repeatedly said, "If they didn't, you couldn't!" The presence of family was always all around me. My grandparents wanted it that way! After they passed, my family wasn't the same. There was no center to unite us. Everyone was doing their own thing, putting on the back burner what we were accustomed to most of our lives. It wasn't until after our youngest uncle passed unexpectedly, at forty nine years of age, that most of us realized how we neglected our bond. We regained our composure as family and had to plan to get together to insure that we continued what was important to us, FAMILY! We started monthly brunches and other get togethers. It does take effort, but it is all the more worth it, because once we get together we don't want to part! <br /><br />It is in death that we are reminded of those things that we knew were important to us. We all know that life is short. We all know that our time is precious. We all know that we are not promised tomorrow. Set aside prejudice and pettiness, grudges and grief, and take hold of friendship and family, peace and love. In the end we all want the same thing, to love and be loved. <br />Let's not wait until we lose some one.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-54335545407611901732012-01-24T19:28:00.002-05:002012-01-24T19:28:30.414-05:00All Alone in the Moonlight<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqp7MtAIBcJxa88VRsVJeCyUJU6nU0bCIyUc_PWrtpGIqCUczzvqulpVNb4nSo0H-SRAPK_H-mAFX7oNI5EmpBRTXZBep6sd2hCBw3RVkh3cmruwIOT4qJ9KSfxd978JidGYph70k-iyY/s1600/moonlight.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqp7MtAIBcJxa88VRsVJeCyUJU6nU0bCIyUc_PWrtpGIqCUczzvqulpVNb4nSo0H-SRAPK_H-mAFX7oNI5EmpBRTXZBep6sd2hCBw3RVkh3cmruwIOT4qJ9KSfxd978JidGYph70k-iyY/s320/moonlight.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701358605540440290" /></a><br /> What do you with the pictures, gifts, and other knickknacks from a previous relationship? If it was a life you had, how do you erase all of it because it didn't work out? After all, how we change and progress is affected by the life we lived and are living. Do all the sentiments get thrown out and scattered so that we don't have to think about it anymore? What do you do? Do you go to the same restaurants, do the same activities and have the same discussions with the new person? What if those things were some of your favorite things that you shared and now feel some kind of way about bringing in someone new. Is it disrespecting your ex-relationship and what you had with that person? What do friends and family think when now there is a different person on your side? Are folks uncomfortable because they had forged a friendship with the previous person? Will they be opened to the new person in your life or will they feel apprehensive?<br /><br />Artifacts leave behind what happened, that way we can learn from what life was like as we put the pieces together, and perhaps avoid making the same mistakes. <br /><br />Or do you scratch all the awkwardness of it all and stand alone?djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-49541505494788578192012-01-15T09:55:00.008-05:002012-01-23T21:47:01.466-05:00Drink in the Moments!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOqihL-xo2GuOunQ92ju__jBTFVY6FsZ0teFF3hJLvYKxz67kF0DTVbQPzxT5Owp0rurlI_vlFQSAZAWUUKu7TPsKziX-uemJchZgh-PxOMQI7Y6rMfJDY5xmegGnKeH4Sb3wmDiOl5k/s1600/CC_Tequila-Lemonade_s4x3_lg.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOqihL-xo2GuOunQ92ju__jBTFVY6FsZ0teFF3hJLvYKxz67kF0DTVbQPzxT5Owp0rurlI_vlFQSAZAWUUKu7TPsKziX-uemJchZgh-PxOMQI7Y6rMfJDY5xmegGnKeH4Sb3wmDiOl5k/s320/CC_Tequila-Lemonade_s4x3_lg.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5697877823567294066" /></a><br />It can always be worse! Life gives us lemons and most of us try our best to make lemonade, but others sulk in the misery of the bitter taste. If I stop a moment and let life's to do's and got to's sink in I would drown. Although sometimes I feel I am just at the surface with my head above water, at the very least I can swim! Problems will come and go. If it's not one thing, it's another. We all know this! So why is it that when those problems arise, some of us lose it, letting our problems control us. Our attitudes change. Our actions are lead by emotions, which may mean that we just cussed out our bffs or yelled at our mothers, (God forbid!)<br />Sometimes problems are out of our control and sit in the hands of others that may or may not realize they are tampering with our happiness and peace. What can we do? Well, if we can't change it, move on. Find other ways to solve the problem. Get help if necessary. I know this is a difficult task, being one of those stubborn "I got this" women. Which is ironic, because I'm a strong believer in the fact that people that come into, and some may stay, in your life are the people God intends for us, as He intends us for them. <br /><br />I can sit here and write about my issues that swirl around me as we "speak", but I will spare you, and myself for that matter, because as my fore-mentioned statement "it can always be worse." I'm chillin' with some mimosas, waiting for my chicken and mushroom frittata to be ready. My kitchen smells delectable, my heater is purring keeping me warm, and my children (my grown ass children) are within earshot, minus Sam who is at school working hard on another successful dean's list worthy semester. What more can I ask for?<br /><br />Make the lemonade, dress it up with umbrellas and garnish, even if we have to spike it from time to time, but remember it can always be worst.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-4280478970943895352011-12-27T11:09:00.010-05:002012-06-01T22:12:28.368-04:00Unraveling Our Gift!“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” <span style="font-weight:bold;">The Alchemist<span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span>, Paulo Coelho<br /><br /><br /> I believe that we each have an inherent gift. It is that thing that we live and breathe. That thing that we can't stop thinking or talking about. It is that thing that strengthens us and makes us feel good. That thing that may even make us a little scared if we put it out there for the world to see. There are born leaders. Those whom people feel comfortable and confident following. There are born nurturers. Those who will reach out to those in need without question and want everyone to be ok. They may even overlook their own needs. There are those who are fortunate enough to figure out their gift early in life, and those who struggle to find what their purpose, but once they find it...oh what a joyful noise! <br /><br />It is within me that my writing lives. I eat, sleep, and play writing. No matter how much I may ignore the words, until I write it down, my mind stays boggled with ideas. Sometimes I need to be by the water in my thoughts to settle the words and see what comes out. Words follow me everywhere. I see things in prose or poetry. When I was 15 years old I decided that I wanted to be a published writer and had a title for my book. I wanted the book to be about my life, but was thinking how boring my book would be with only fifteen years under my belt and I hadn't much experienced life. So I wrote down my title, illustrated my cover and left it in a folder for when I was ready. As I lived, the book stayed tucked away inside me. <br /><br />When I thought I was ready, I stumbled getting some pages done, but couldn't work through the emotions long enough to stay focused. I had to reflect on how and what I was doing that made the process so difficult. Sometimes we need to silence influences around us in order to understand how our spirit is guiding us. At times we may have people around us that may stunt that gift. They may be pessimistic or nonbelievers in what is truly within us to do, and may go as far as to stifle us. These are the people that we need to keep at arms length or if necessary cut out of our lives. As we enter yet another new year, we need to reflect on what we need to change, keep constant or consistent or add on to our lives in order to unravel our gift. My life has taken me on interesting twists and turns and have given me fuel to pen my world and soon will help me accomplish my 23 year old dream. True freedom is being able to realize that gift.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-61098946388575636972011-12-21T09:08:00.011-05:002011-12-21T19:44:07.257-05:00Since When?Growing up, I never realized my parents' financial status. We were clothed, fed and loved in a warm home with family all around us. My parents, who came to this country with nothing much, except for will and determination, became laborers to support their family. They came from Cape Verde, a poor country in which most of the food had to be imported from other countries. They worked hard and knew that with family support and education, we would be okay. I was happy, oblivious to the effort that they put forth to ensure that my brother and I had our basic needs met. For birthdays and at Christmas time we received gifts that made us happy, unbeknown to us, it was what they could afford. I remember waking up to a large, fuzzy, brown teddy bear on my eleventh birthday morning. It was my most valued treasure for a long time. For Christmas, we got a few new clothes, shoes and socks that would sustain us through the winter months. Although now I am aware of how they struggled, I am proud of how they succeeded in keeping our family together and happy.<br /><br />With the holiday upon us, and advertisers shoving "must haves" down our throat, I was compelled to reflect at what this time of year has become. Since when did it become okay to ask for what we want for Christmas? I thought it was the gesture and thought that we put into giving someone special something special. Since when did buying expensive gifts for children who don't know the worth of anything become a trend? Children having the nerve to ask for Uggs or Northface, but yet not put any effort to earn much of anything. Since when did putting ourselves in further debt to fulfill holiday demands become acceptable? I know lots of folks who think that their tax money will go towards the hole they dug during Christmas. Since when did our love become measured by material things? If we don't give gifts to everyone we love, do we love them any less?<br /><br />This time of year is about giving of yourself. We all have special talents or something to offer. We should be able to ask someone if they need help. Spend sometime with someone who is alone or lonely. Listen to a child talk about what they wonder about. Look up people that we wonder how they are doing. Comfort someone who feels overwhelmed. (With our economy, this wouldn't be hard to find.) It is the time spent with people that fill us with love and excitement. Material things get old and lose their value, but the relationships we build are, you guessed it, priceless! The relationships that my family maintained through the years, through trials and tribulation, make me feel rich! I am blessed to have so many loved one, who are actually part of my life. I love them and feel loved! <br /><br />I'm not doing the bah hum bug thing, but damn do we really need to get frantic about gift giving to the point where it becomes depressing. We need to reinforce the value of love, family and friendship, no matter what kind of boots we have on!<br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxNyA1bcqo37Jy8X87r1dzPI12AUCg4odNkDxl8h_cWvtaZHxx08FejBoC7-2rRTYp76bQzxfY8zBL_zRfLVw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-42052143725199308332011-11-15T18:34:00.007-05:002011-11-15T18:53:50.238-05:00Out of the Mouths of Babes!I wanted to share an amazing piece that my daughter wrote. Here I am thinking that I need to be her strength and hope, in turn she gave me just that.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguEAq3nWuPCt7OZaGkGrkfr-cF_vkYCLwA5dDc3wkX5Lgz8CiNgG3sbGTZw0VpT5Rf8Vpo1yl1bpOgig5OxuRj8QTNohezy98pXaJrmYWcAHAIMJ5521hqEqoLdakWZfYrOPzzNvbZQ4A/s1600/Photo_00102.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguEAq3nWuPCt7OZaGkGrkfr-cF_vkYCLwA5dDc3wkX5Lgz8CiNgG3sbGTZw0VpT5Rf8Vpo1yl1bpOgig5OxuRj8QTNohezy98pXaJrmYWcAHAIMJ5521hqEqoLdakWZfYrOPzzNvbZQ4A/s200/Photo_00102.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5675373412776967250" /></a>Lifetime With Morrie<br /><br /><br /> Most teenagers spend their summers on the beach with friends, ignore homework until the night before school starts, and almost never do their summer reading. I, on the other hand, spent a summer with a cute little old man, Morrie Schwartz. In other words, I was enchanted by <span style="font-weight:bold;">Tuesdays with Morrie<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> by Mitch Albom. A couple of pages in and I was no longer on my front porch fighting mosquitoes off of me; I was in Mitch Albom’s shoes, meeting Morrie every Tuesday for tea. <br /> Mitch Albom told a heartfelt story about his encounter with his old College Professor before his passing. He would visit him every Tuesday and gain new aspects of life that he, and I, would soon benefit from. His words were therapeutic for me, and in one summer, Morrie got me through a year of losing my favorite cousin to gun violence and my parents’ separation. He spoke to me so clearly, it was as if he was sitting with me on my porch steps, solving all the issues I had that no one else could help with. His positive perspective of the beauty of life even while he was dying of an incurable disease is what I admired most about Morrie.<br /> "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (43) I learned that there are more important things to life and about life that does not consist of being the most popular kid in school or being the best dressed and trying to fit in. <br />I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything the summer of 2010, I wanted everyone I knew to sit down with me and get to meet my good friend, Morrie. I figured if more people got their hands on such a book, they’d have a change of hearts on what is important in their lives. I also wanted to learn more about Morrie, beyond the author’s relationship with him. I grew a certain fascination for him and youtubed his interviews and googled his biography. I wanted to know why he spoke the way he did about life and death. I was curious to find out why he was so happy and satisfied with life while it was slowly being taken from him. Morrie was strong regardless of his health. He kept a positive attitude and that helped me learn more about myself. I grew a more optimistic outlook on my own life and gained a new perspective for the people in my life and my surroundings. I learned that staying positive will eventually bring positivity to my life. I believe that’s how I got myself through a summer of losing a few friends but earning new ones. I learned from Morrie that “the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." (52)<br />Morrie didn’t know me but I felt the love he had for me and all of humanity through Albom’s writing. He had nothing to regret, no hatred in his heart. He wasn’t mad at death, he accepted it and for that I admired him. I felt as if the book was placed in my hands by fate. I learned that in life you go through the most awful times--there is someone doing worse than you, someone doing better than you--but always keep love and positivity in mind. With perseverance and faith, you will always get through. <br />Everyone usually finds inspiration and role models in their parents, athletes, or celebrities. I found my role model in a 79 year old, retired Sociology professor that I’ve never even met. Tuesdays with Morrie is a memory I can go back to if I ever forget how to appreciate life. From his story I’ve learned to always keep faith and accept any situation in life and ultimately, be thankful and know that it could have been worse.<br /> I grew to accept my cousin’s passing and my parent’s separation because Morrie told me that everything happens for a reason. Through helping others with their own problems and sharing Morrie’s words, I found my inner strength to continue in love and positivity. I am more than thankful for that one summer day.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-69518372197488152522011-10-19T15:29:00.005-04:002011-10-30T14:39:27.036-04:00Getting in the Way of What I'm Feeling!Emotions run high from time to time. Got me wondering what now? I'm young, single and fabulous! ;) How do I go on with my life, while nurturing my children's life? I was in another world for twenty years and now I walk into one in which guys just push up on you at the club without even asking you to dance and I'm supposed to feel what? Honored? Ha! I'm not sure how it all works nor am I certain I want to know, but at some point I do have to play my hand. It has been great getting to know me, but then I start to think about how amazing it would be to have someone to share that with. Solitaire isn't going to cut it as my kids grow and leave the nest, which is looming in the near future.<br /><br />How do I go on not knowing or trusting what others' intentions are? Seems like everyone has a hidden agenda. I know that's not true, but it feels that way. I worry about changing or interrupting my relationship with my kids. Will I find someone worth bringing into the dynamic? My kids are protective of their mama and would think it awkward if there was mama and a boyfriend, which is probably a small part of the reason I stayed married past the point of no return. But then I think, they are grown and need to be realistic. Why would you want mama to be alone? It's not about needing a man! It's about companionship and friendship. Plus, I talk a lot, and need a actual person to listen. lol <br /><br />After learning about who I am and what I like, there is no sacrificing. I learned that love should be about loving the essence of a person, so why change that? I don't want a soul mate! I want to keep my soul. Giving up my soul, made me blind to what was happening to me all in the name of love. I want to be wide awake! I want to revel in the love, not drown in it! I am who I am, so it's a take it or leave it situation. <br /><br />In the meantime, I am going try word games.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-11133361300103432012011-10-05T07:35:00.006-04:002011-10-05T12:53:17.843-04:00Hang on To Inspiration!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHmqTJOVrQjLMFTMLV3TJGtBmv2KPVU2lFThlHhgCuKvh0lxab3djXM79AchUkg1ZerXRTFilA6mbHKvdVlXQZWQfbggOzfqpoO6wVp6uqyejbnOsCiZ7Gl3TaLniozSmILEjb-CiWgQ/s1600/102_3107.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHmqTJOVrQjLMFTMLV3TJGtBmv2KPVU2lFThlHhgCuKvh0lxab3djXM79AchUkg1ZerXRTFilA6mbHKvdVlXQZWQfbggOzfqpoO6wVp6uqyejbnOsCiZ7Gl3TaLniozSmILEjb-CiWgQ/s200/102_3107.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5660052133046346290" /></a><br />Trying to stay positive and strong is always hard. You have to work on it, surround yourself with good people, purge negative thoughts by writing or talking about it, and then recharge your energy by finding inspiration. Once you've found things that inspire you, hang on to it! Hang on to the people that help you stay strong. Listen to songs that give you strength. Do the things that feed your spirit. About ten years ago, as I read the pages of Essence magazine, I came across a poem that spoke to me and got the balls rolling. I've held on to it over the years and reread it to reassure that I am doing the right thing. I wanted to share it, so that maybe it will give others as much strength as it did me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">No More 'Smalling Up' of ME</span><br /><br />No more meekly saying yes<br />when my heart is screaming no<br />No more taming of my feelings<br />so my power won't show<br />No more hiding my exuberance<br />from disapproving eyes<br />No more watering down myself<br />so my spirit won't rise<br /><br />No more 'smalling up' of me<br />pretending I'm not here<br />No more running from the music<br />and the spotlight's glare<br />No more living in this prison<br />barricaded by my fears<br />No more turning and retreating<br />in the face of new frontiers.<br /><br />Even as I am speaking<br />I am taking shape and form<br />harnessing my powers<br />like a gathering storm<br />There's no obstacle so bold<br />as to dare stand in my way<br />I am taking back my life<br />and I am doing it today.<br /><br />By Jean Wilson<br /><br /><br />Even rewriting it got me going for the day!djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-78416135645912121812011-09-24T08:50:00.016-04:002011-09-25T19:53:22.054-04:00Do Something!My old school parents never wanted me to ride bikes because I was a girl, but I taught myself how to ride a two wheeler without permission and have scrapes and scars to prove it. I hated doing dishes as a child, so I used to break dishes on purpose (Not recommended, I did get many a slaps from my dad for this one), but I ended up losing that chore. My mother's cooking although delicious to me now, was not for my adolescent palette at twelve, so I learned how to cook my own dinner. It was the feeling of being sick and tired that forced me to do something about what was frustrating me.<br />When I was younger, I would stumble on my words when people talked to me. My mother used to nudge me to speak up because folks couldn't hear my mumbles of hello. I don't know what it was that made me shy or stutter when I reacted to people, especially new people. I would get self-conscious right before I said something and my words would come out in a whisper or I would end up mouthing what I wanted to say. Feeling embarrassed, I would walk away with my head down. I know most of you are thinking, "What? Not her! She can't stop talking!" LOL 'Tis true, you can't get me to shut up, but it was also true that I had trouble expressing myself. I was sick and tired of walking away from people feeling dumb, so I forced myself to do something about it. I took a job at Jordan Marsh, what is now Macy's. (I know I'm aging myself, but whatevaaaaa...living life means aging!) Anyway, I was a sales associate and had to greet and assist all kinds of people. My first few days was a struggle to say the least. I remember customers asking me to repeat myself or even laughing at my hesitation to speak. It was frustrating each day, but I would evaluate what I did, how I could do better and eventually I was at the top of my game. Hence, the constant running of my mouth! HA! <br />Now whenever I sense that feeling coming on, I do something about it. Somethings take me a while to figure out exactly what to do about it, others are an easy fix. For example, I hate laundry piling up, so I do a couple of loads once a week. I hate a messy house, so I straighten out a few things each day. I used to feel like I didn't have enough time in the day to do things I wanted after all the needs were covered, so I shut down the television, (A HUGE time sucker folks, turn it off and do something!) Instead of complaining about it, I change how I react to the situation, and something positive always come out of it. <br />Issues, big or small, that we may have, and we will have them, doesn't necessarily have to slow us down or hold us back. When we do something about it, we feel empowered and our lives are that much more enriched.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-66037562250748685282011-09-22T19:02:00.001-04:002011-09-22T19:03:49.752-04:00To Thine Own Self Be True!I got out of work today, went for my two hour walk/run listening to my music, got home to cook some dinner that I wanted to eat (baked pork chops, mashed potatoes w/sauteed mushrooms and onions...mmm) and made myself a peachy keen daiquiri! Life is good! I love being with me! Every step I take is a step that I want, not worrying about anything or anyone. It has been great getting to know me. It has been like in the movie "The Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts, when she tries all the eggs to figure out what she likes, because previously she liked whatever style of eggs her boyfriend liked. I'm figuring out what I like and loving it!<br /><br />It takes time to learn who you are, what you like and what you are about, but once you got it, there is no shame in your game! Feeling comfortable in one's own skin doesn't come easy and many struggle trying to find that comfort. But I know for sure, if you are stunted in any way from who you truly are, your spirit will either fight to be free or will wither and die. <br /><br />Many live by "I'm supposed to..." Many of us stay in lives that are making us miserable because of what people might say. To that I say, "Who Cares?" You might be the talk of the town for a stint, then folks forget all about you. So, who cares if they don't agree with your choices! Who cares if they don't like how you do things! Who cares if they don't understand what you're about. Life is hard enough without us making it more difficult. We need to do the things that make us happy. Hey, if I get a kick out of doing the simplest thing like going for a two hour walk whenever I feel like it then so be it!djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-58672971892830052152011-09-03T11:38:00.011-04:002011-09-22T19:38:57.291-04:00Life Happens!Life happens as you live. You can plan it all you want, but you blink and there it is, the way it's supposed to be. I had four children by the time I was twenty-six years old and struggled through most of it trying to provide for them while developing myself as an adult. I worked part time, went to school fulltime and mothered 25 hours a day. I felt over whelmed, at times exhausted, more than once, anxious, but I never lost hope that I would be ok. People used to wonder how I did it with four kids, but I guess I never really thought about it. It was my life and how I was living. One falls into a rhythm and learns as one goes along, experiencing moments along the way. <br />I would never want my children to go through what I did, but would I change it? Hell NO! Today I find myself rejoicing in the life I have lived and am living, with all it's kits and caboodles, and with four beautifully spirited children to boot! :) <br />We are shaped not by our experiences but by how we handle and experience those experiences. Some experiences build fear and apprehension, while others build hope and strength. Depending on how we handle it, it can make us timid or fearless for the next time.<br />Some people become skeptical, giving up on love because they were hurt by someone whom they allowed themselves to be vulnerable with, and so it happens the next time love presents itself, they become cautious and doubtful and therefore may miss out on something special. While others learn from it and know what to look for or steer clear from the next time. Some folks become frustrated because they are not where they want to be, or they don’t have what they think they should have, feeling disappointed in themselves, never realizing or noticing that they are blessed with what they need. On the flip side, many take the experiences to mean that they need to go in another direction and find themselves in a better place. <br />We may think too much about what we're supposed to be or supposed to have, instead we need to try being present in the life we live. Life happens either way, so we might as well enjoy it!djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-43009119549484392332011-08-24T10:44:00.013-04:002011-09-22T19:38:57.291-04:00Be Happy! :)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://graphics.pryat.com/signs/safety/thumbs/happy-faces-smiles.png"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 73px; height: 75px;" src="http://graphics.pryat.com/signs/safety/thumbs/happy-faces-smiles.png" border="0" alt="" /></a>
<br />Last year I had a bout with what my doctor thought was rheumatoid arthritis (RA). If you don't know what that means you are lucky! Rheumatoid arthritis is a form of inflammatory arthritis and an autoimmune disease. For reasons no one fully understands, in rheumatoid arthritis, the immune system – which is designed to protect our health by attacking foreign cells such as viruses and bacteria – instead attacks the body’s own tissues, specifically the synovium, a thin membrane that lines the joints. As a result of the attack, fluid builds up in the joints, causing pain in the joints and inflammation that’s systemic – meaning it can occur throughout the body. (http://www.arthritis.org/) Each morning I would wake up with pain in different parts of my body. At a point I couldn't even use my hands. I struggled in pain to do everything. Basic things that we don't think about like walking or tying our shoes was a feat. I cringed at the thought of clasping my bra in the back. OUCH! I couldn't do anything! But of course being a mom, one really has no choice but to do! I did everything but slower. I must admit though I did skip cooking dinner a few times. Anywho, because I was physically suffering, it started to mentally mess with me. I stopped going to the gym, swimming was a no go with sore shoulders. Even my walks by the water became a painful task so I stopped all together.
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<br />Physical activities release a lot of stress and tension and clears my mind or at the very least helps me put things into perspective. Without it, I found myself sinking into some kind of depression. I just wanted to sleep and didn't want to be around anyone. Many folks that knew me well worried that I was not my usual happy-go-lucky self. It was pretty bad. I kept thinking how was I going to be able to live like this? I was sulking and feeling bad for myself. I hated myself for allowing me to slip into a funk, so I decided to take control of it. I went to a specialist to get his opinion on my diagnosis. I was hopeful when he said that my body may fight it and it may go away with little or no damage to my joints. I started researching RA, and looked at what kinds of foods, exercises and supplements would help. I figured thousands of people live with RA so why should I have self pity. Days which I felt better, I forced myself to swim or go for a walk. Little by little I strengthened my spirit and started believing that I would be ok no matter what happens.
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<br />I had to start taking my own advice: mind over matter. State of mind influences how one deals with situations. There were certain things which I started to come to terms with, like I probably wouldn't be able to use my four inch heels anymore or do my strength training at the gym. It could've been worse. Although slow, I was able to walk. I would smile each morning as I would test out my hands and they would actually make a fist without pain. Days that were more painful I decided would be my relaxing days, so I stretched out like a cat on my bed, found a comfy position and would nap hoping to wake up feeling better.
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<br />Although I suffered, I did learn to be happy for the things I was able to do, and was grateful that I wasn't worse off. I was happy to be able to move freely some mornings, and even laughed at myself as I walked like an old lady to the bathroom other mornings. I was happy to be able to take hold of my mental state so that I was then able to deal with whatever was ailing me. Now I am back at it, wearing my heels and happy as can be. Keyword? You guessed it, Happy! Be Happy for the little things and the rest shall follow!
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<br />djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-4169591739609480192011-08-21T15:18:00.006-04:002011-09-22T19:38:57.292-04:00Don't Worry! :)I worried a little bit trying to get my sons off to their respective schools and stressed that I wouldn't be able to get everything done. I made mental lists, lists on my phone, lists on the computer, and lists on a notepad, just so I wouldn't forget anything. Each night I went to bed wondering how I was going to make it all happen, and woke up each morning with the same thought. I was driving myself and my children crazy. This is when talking to yourself comes in handy. (Sometime I wear headphones so people think I'm singing..lol) I took hold of my worries and stress and told myself, "Jos, doesn't it all work out each time? No matter how much you try to control things, you already know things will happen as they should." That's when I let go. I have faith in a higher being that has had my back all along, I have faith in myself when it comes to push and shove, and I have faith in my children to do what they need to do (sometimes with a little nudge.) The worries and stress fell to a workable level and I kept it moving, checking things off my lists! Some worrying might be healthy, but when it is controlling you and not letting you breathe, it becomes hazardous. Things get done, and folks move on to new worries and stresses, but instead of letting them be worries and stresses, take it as experiences. Mind over matter is what I always say. Sometimes I forget and I do have to remind myself, but with a positive mindset, I feel empowered to do what I got to do, knowing that I will be okay. And now, here I find myself sitting on my porch, feeling a calm breeze, knowing that my sons are okay, (with my girls at my heels, wondering if it's their turn to get ready for back to school), and I'm back on my blog. Things all work out how it's supposed to in the end.
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<br />djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-19494842887964995402011-08-09T13:27:00.013-04:002011-08-12T18:56:04.235-04:00Five Minute Fix!A mother's role is the toughest role ever! Mothers have to make sure that their kids are fed, (refer to my older post "What's For Dinner?"), teach manners <span style="font-style:italic;">(many are forgetting this one!)</span>, make sure homework is completed and that all the school papers are signed, laundry is done and routines are established to keep a home running smoothly. Good for those who are lucky enough to have assistance from a significant other, but it is still a tough job.
<br />That being said, it takes about five minutes for me to throw on some eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss. I fluff up the do and I'm good to go. It doesn't take much time to look put together. Looking at old pictures, I see that I was once a victim of mommyhood, but no more. I remember feeling so heavy and disillusioned after each child. I would lose hope of ever finding my self-esteem and then like magic it would reappear. As the kids got older, I noticed that they'd mimic everything I'd do, realizing that I was their example. I see many mommies these days who use all of their energy taking care of their babies. Many look disheveled, tired and just worn out, but in contrast their children look put together and happy. I also hear many of these mothers sounding resentful when they say things like, "before I had kids I used to be hot", or "before I had kids I used to get my hair did every weekend". Once many women become mothers, they forget about themselves. The weight one puts on to create this child doesn't help the situation either. Your body may change, but the essence of womanhood is still present.
<br />Letting go of yourself to be a mommy is a no-no. Attention maybe paid to your child or children, but remember they learn most from watching you. If you care about yourself, they will care about themselves. It's important to remember that although we maybe mommies, we are still women. You are a person without the kiddies, besides if you have a man, he needs to feel that you care about his needs too, and one also needs to think about once your kids are grown and gone, what are you going to do if your identity depended on your children?
<br />My advice is to get basic. Fit in a five minute fix up before leaving the house. Get clothes that fit well, bigger doesn't hide anything, just makes you look bigger. I always say, "Fake it until you feel it!" (This may apply in more ways than one...wink, wink.) You have to tell yourself "I feel good", then eventually it becomes reality. Kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy. Being confident and loving towards yourself is contagious! Your children, along with other folks around you will feel your spirit and that helps them feel better, and now you really feel better. It's a win-win!
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<br />djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-7120292577930837282011-08-05T17:04:00.034-04:002011-08-07T12:06:50.247-04:00New Shoes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_4HeOky4KTDdpiE6DgDKe09iBX6qpVJBxTkgwhHmgfgbyVEOtb10ydr41TvH-ByhyphenhyphengJkYikPVLUofT2CFr5_QDTz5cLV5YrhkaRpeRBohuxvYSLaDhjwm-LPloXjtKJtnt_UqDFN29Q/s1600/shoe+pile+drawing.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 143px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD_4HeOky4KTDdpiE6DgDKe09iBX6qpVJBxTkgwhHmgfgbyVEOtb10ydr41TvH-ByhyphenhyphengJkYikPVLUofT2CFr5_QDTz5cLV5YrhkaRpeRBohuxvYSLaDhjwm-LPloXjtKJtnt_UqDFN29Q/s200/shoe+pile+drawing.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5638089813525290706" /></a><br />Wearing a brand new pair of shoes can pinch a bit, or even take some getting used to. But they can also make a lady feel sexy, sometimes even renewed if it's THAT pair. Each pair can fit an emotion, need or even a want. There are so many different colors, types, and designs. <span style="font-style:italic;">(Ha! I just realized the same can be said of women), </span>You shoe lovers know what I'm talking about! We can bring new life to an old outfit just by changing the shoes. <br />There is just something about women and shoes. Maybe the reason women have so many is because we have so many roles, (and emotions for that matter). Sometimes we need a sensible pair to run around for all those to do's. Other times, a conservative pair to go meet with teachers, doctors or lawyers, if need be. One always needs a stiletto that might give a boost to the self or a kick out of mommy track for some grown up time. (Very important!)<br />I went out and bought a new pair of shoes the day the judge granted my divorce! Insert shoe analogies: <span style="font-weight:bold;">Keep steppin'! Keep it moving! Walk on! </span> Whatever it was that I was subconsciously thinking, buying shoes resonated with me. I walked differently as I walked out of the courthouse. Almost as though I was walking on a cloud. I felt light and enlightened. I felt as though I stepped over a barrier, and now understood what life was about. It was weird, almost out of body! <br />I lived a certain way for a long time. A life fed to me by traditions--'til death do us part--and I did drink the kool-aid. I was that ride or die chick, and there was no ifs, ands or buts about it! As I got older, I started seeing things for what they were. Hurts were painfully present but unacceptable! Things had to change, and the only thing I had control over was me. Steps in my "old shoe" took me down a new path. One that made me realize I had to get new shoes because I no longer took the same steps. Those old shoes were just not going to work.<br />The divorce was a long drawn out process, one of which I tried my best to be cooperative and cordial, even in the midst of disdain. A process which weighed at the back of my head for a few years, never really allowing me to rest easy. Now that part of my head was free and I wanted a brand new pair of shoes. I walked around to at least six different shops looking for THAT pair. I finally found a pair of peep toe stilettos that fit perfectly. As I took a few steps I felt sturdy. I walked taller and I am confident the pinch will go away as I settle into my "new shoes". I am excited about all the possibilities that can now reside in the freed up spaces of my mind as I continue to step forward.djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-63609379413956968902011-08-04T06:43:00.011-04:002011-09-22T19:38:57.292-04:00What's for Dinner?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdOJwgxnCi1VHCuLcgN0dGAS4wK0oAUyMHrpxwHeNZvhiXsL6NNEcX-G_D7zxCFRx4u7KvZ-MhuIqrXif9-Qo4MzCBOQtPFU9o_Sz_TbUVAFfjoUat4eUl4-d3RF8vo4ZypJ1K1-haD0/s1600/0804111616.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdOJwgxnCi1VHCuLcgN0dGAS4wK0oAUyMHrpxwHeNZvhiXsL6NNEcX-G_D7zxCFRx4u7KvZ-MhuIqrXif9-Qo4MzCBOQtPFU9o_Sz_TbUVAFfjoUat4eUl4-d3RF8vo4ZypJ1K1-haD0/s320/0804111616.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5637097875549275634" /></a><br />I don't know if anyone understands the frustrations of making dinner when you've been cooking dinner for your family for twenty years or more, but it does a number on me. I feel like I cook the same thing all the time, and I'm bored. Chicken, beef and fish. Chicken, beef and fish. I of course have to throw some pork in the mix at times. (Bacon comes second only to chocolate) But then it begins again, chicken, beef and fish. Another thing that pesters me each day is what am I going to cook that everyone will eat? Four kids with four different personalities, it's not easy. The fish thing leaves my second son feeling like "Why mom!? UGH...Why did you make that for dinner?" Who doesn't like fish? The pork situation has my oldest saying things like "I don't eat pork, and you shouldn't either." I leave it at that because I don't want a lesson as to why. Of course, my girls always have their comments depending on the day, leaving me to wonder why do I do it? <br /> For one thing, sometimes I feel my kids are grown and need to learn how to fend for themselves, because these are life skills that they will need to make it on their own. And during the summer, who wants to slave over a hot stove anyway? At times they are each doing their own thing, sometimes they eat out or get home late, leaving me stuck with leftovers, which are lost on my children. Don't they know how much better the food tastes the next day!? Sometimes the frustrations get the better of me, and I just don't cook. I figure they can make sandwiches, eggs or eat cereal, something, anything that will keep them off my back. But as I sit back and put my feet up to relax, the guilt sets in and fills my mind with questions. I might be exhausted, but who else is going to cook? I am supposed to be the responsible one, how can I just sit there knowing the dinner is not ready? What are they going to do for dinner? How can I find a happy medium, so that I won't feel like I'm a terrible mom and my kids will be fed?<br /> All these questions lead to what I grapple with, If not me, who? If I drop my responsibilities what happens? When there is no more juice or milk in the fridge, I can't look elsewhere, I have to replenish it. Four mouths to feed in every sense of the term. I must not only make sure they are fed, but I have to make sure they are "fed" emotionally, mentally and spiritually if need be. Just thinking about my role is overwhelming, but I am appreciative of my blessings. I have always been one to lead by example. I can't expect my children to do something I am not willing to do. I am hoping that as they watch me, they also learn to be self sufficient and responsible. I also know that it is ok to put my feet up when the body just can't, after all I have to feed myself so that I can feed them. Mac and Cheese with Chicken tonight, as I edit and publish this post...hey, I never said I couldn't do it! :)djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-66165312639343292202011-07-31T10:02:00.005-04:002011-09-22T19:39:44.212-04:00Green-Eyed Monster<div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>As a teenager, I thought jealousy just meant your boyfriend really liked you and didn't want anyone else getting in the middle of that. I remember always being questioned about why I was so close to so and so, or why did I seem overly excited to see what's his name. Never understanding why I was being questioned, when all I wanted was him. Nothing or no one else mattered to me, but I always ended up feeling bad and judging my behavior, wondering if I had done something wrong.<meta charset="utf-8"></div><div><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>As a grown ass woman, I learned it was never about me. It was all about his insecurities. He was projecting on me whatever he was doing. No mattered how I changed or did things his way, he always had a problem with me. </div><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8"><meta charset="utf-8"><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Jealousy makes people do crazy shit! It can infuriate people, and have them act a fool. It can make them read into things in a certain way, that feeds whatever they're jealous about. For example, he would question me about why I was trying to look cute, who was I trying to impress. (As many of you know, I always look cute! lol) He used to fight people he felt disrespected him (I naively thought it was to protect my honor...ha!) I internalized his actions of jealousy and became a jealous person. The insecurities creeped into my being. I became the one asking, who's that? why this? Ugh, just thinking about it makes me nauseous. That's not who I was and definitely not who I am. </div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>"This too shall pass" is what I have lived by, but in my thirties I have learned, yeah things pass, but if you don't learn and grow and possibly change from the experience, it will come again. I was suffering from the same thing, time after time, and felt clueless as to how I could deal with it. I suffered from my ex's jealousy and conformed to what he wanted each time we fought, giving up friends and family, and eventually myself. Thinking that I had remedied the situation, but the problems kept arising. </div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Through my awakening, I learned to let go of what he thought, and take on how I felt. In order to change the situation, I had to change how I dealt with it. At first I would ignore whatever accusation was thrown my way, then I would scream and yell trying to prove my innocence, at last I realized I didn't need to prove anything! I am who I am, and I love it, so it was a take it or leave it! </div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>As I move on, I realize that although the green-eyed monster may resurface, I have learned not to feed it and wait for it to go back into hibernation. Some form of jealousy can be healthy for a relationship, but once it becomes bigger than the love, it is damaging! The way I figure, I want to be in a relationship that we could rest our shoulders and know that being our true selves is a given! Whether or not I will find that is left to be seen.</div>djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2645180973904695414.post-89544928829666698102011-07-27T08:51:00.000-04:002011-07-27T09:34:00.259-04:00Beginning<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Such is life! I have been trying to begin this blog for a few weeks now, but life keeps getting in the way. Single with four kids each with wants and needs, and with my mind overwhelmed with to do's and got to's, doesn't help! I didn't want to let my "to do" list to overtake my blog, but then I thought about it. Duh? The name of the blog is "Who's Life is it Anyway?" Who was I to think that I would get a moment to write? So I sit in the midst of it all, with my mind boggled with financial aid forms and back to school lists to start this blog about issues that may affect other women.<div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I have had this title for a long time, because I never feel like my life is my own. I can make plans, but one thing or the other always changes it up on me. Don't get me wrong I love my children, and I always figure it out, whatever "it" is, but sometimes get frustrated with the fact that I really can't just be.</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>If I started this blog five years ago, it would have been riddled with my life as wife and mother. Constantly trying to please someone that is on a different page is the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. I ultimately turned my page and moved on. It took twenty years, but I moved on. These twenty years got me thinking, why do women stay in relationships that are damaging to their being?</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Well, there maybe many reasons, and I would love to hear from anyone out there, but I for one stayed because I thought I could make "it" work. I was married young and felt that we would learn over the years. I was strong and determined, and believed I could fix it. Over the years I became broken and a mere shadow of who I was. It wasn't until I reached the age of thirty that I realized that I can only fix one thing, ME! I started caring for myself, filling the void that he always left, and rediscovering the person I once was. Every thing, every responsibility as a mother, every chore as a homemaker, every aspect of day to day was on my shoulders. At the end of each day, I kept wondering, why is he here? Maybe only for the obvious benefit that a man fulfills (at least for my preference), but even that started to make me feel as though I was giving away my power. It wasn't worth my sanity. So, after those twenty learning years, I realized it was over. I wanted me back!</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I have me now, along with previously mentioned endless responsibilities, but at least now I feel like I can do things my way. Rediscovering myself has been great! My passion to write and talk (as many who know me knows) is alive and well. I figured I will put it to use and maybe help or at the very least entertain others. Many things are new to me and in many instances I may feel naive, that's where you come in. I would love to hear your voices and experiences, maybe find that I'm not the only one who feels this way. </div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Duty calls, but before I go, let me know what you think. </div><div><br /></div>djofahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14139606664316164748noreply@blogger.com10