I started out my new school year with much enthusiasm and excitement. After only a month, my gears are starting to downshift and I'm not liking where it's going. Life is overwhelming me and I feel as though I am holding my head above water, just enough to take a small breath. I tend to quiet myself, avoiding others so that I could regain my strength. I become pensive and others start to wonder about my usual cheery self. I am trying to counter act all the negatives pulling me down with the positives that I usually find to hold me up, but at this point I need to look for reinforcements!!!
Different avenues for inspiration always seem to find its way to me. Or maybe I open myself up to such opportunities, but I use the forces to help me move on. I remember a few years back, I was in tears, but still forced myself to go to the gym. As I walked on the treadmill, trying to psych myself out for a run, I looked up reading the T-shirt of the girl in front of me. It said, "Life Goes On!" I laughed out loud, thinking "I know this," but yet I was caught up in self pity that I couldn't get out of my own way. I ran for 20 minutes, confident in knowing that I was going to get through.
And now, I find myself confused about how to deal or change how things are going. I feel pulled in many directions and feel obligated to be a certain way, basically type cast in a responsible mother role. Although many things around me are changing, I feel stagnant and afraid to move.
The other night I was watching television, which I rarely do, but it was that kind of a day. I caught the end of Iyanla: Fix My Life. Each episode is about Iyanla helping others solve their problems. After she summarized the process of that particular episode, she closed the show with her tag line, "Through muddy waters....Stay in peace, not pieces." Just that few minutes reminded me that I am at peace, even through tribulations. I am comfortable in my own skin and confident in my skills.
What ever it is, it shall be, and I will be okay, maybe even better on the other side of it!
