Do Something!

My old school parents never wanted me to ride bikes because I was a girl, but I taught myself how to ride a two wheeler without permission and have scrapes and scars to prove it. I hated doing dishes as a child, so I used to break dishes on purpose (Not recommended, I did get many a slaps from my dad for this one), but I ended up losing that chore. My mother's cooking although delicious to me now, was not for my adolescent palette at twelve, so I learned how to cook my own dinner. It was the feeling of being sick and tired that forced me to do something about what was frustrating me.
When I was younger, I would stumble on my words when people talked to me. My mother used to nudge me to speak up because folks couldn't hear my mumbles of hello. I don't know what it was that made me shy or stutter when I reacted to people, especially new people. I would get self-conscious right before I said something and my words would come out in a whisper or I would end up mouthing what I wanted to say. Feeling embarrassed, I would walk away with my head down. I know most of you are thinking, "What? Not her! She can't stop talking!" LOL 'Tis true, you can't get me to shut up, but it was also true that I had trouble expressing myself. I was sick and tired of walking away from people feeling dumb, so I forced myself to do something about it. I took a job at Jordan Marsh, what is now Macy's. (I know I'm aging myself, but whatevaaaaa...living life means aging!) Anyway, I was a sales associate and had to greet and assist all kinds of people. My first few days was a struggle to say the least. I remember customers asking me to repeat myself or even laughing at my hesitation to speak. It was frustrating each day, but I would evaluate what I did, how I could do better and eventually I was at the top of my game. Hence, the constant running of my mouth! HA!
Now whenever I sense that feeling coming on, I do something about it. Somethings take me a while to figure out exactly what to do about it, others are an easy fix. For example, I hate laundry piling up, so I do a couple of loads once a week. I hate a messy house, so I straighten out a few things each day. I used to feel like I didn't have enough time in the day to do things I wanted after all the needs were covered, so I shut down the television, (A HUGE time sucker folks, turn it off and do something!) Instead of complaining about it, I change how I react to the situation, and something positive always come out of it.
Issues, big or small, that we may have, and we will have them, doesn't necessarily have to slow us down or hold us back. When we do something about it, we feel empowered and our lives are that much more enriched.

To Thine Own Self Be True!

I got out of work today, went for my two hour walk/run listening to my music, got home to cook some dinner that I wanted to eat (baked pork chops, mashed potatoes w/sauteed mushrooms and onions...mmm) and made myself a peachy keen daiquiri! Life is good! I love being with me! Every step I take is a step that I want, not worrying about anything or anyone. It has been great getting to know me. It has been like in the movie "The Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts, when she tries all the eggs to figure out what she likes, because previously she liked whatever style of eggs her boyfriend liked. I'm figuring out what I like and loving it!

It takes time to learn who you are, what you like and what you are about, but once you got it, there is no shame in your game! Feeling comfortable in one's own skin doesn't come easy and many struggle trying to find that comfort. But I know for sure, if you are stunted in any way from who you truly are, your spirit will either fight to be free or will wither and die.

Many live by "I'm supposed to..." Many of us stay in lives that are making us miserable because of what people might say. To that I say, "Who Cares?" You might be the talk of the town for a stint, then folks forget all about you. So, who cares if they don't agree with your choices! Who cares if they don't like how you do things! Who cares if they don't understand what you're about. Life is hard enough without us making it more difficult. We need to do the things that make us happy. Hey, if I get a kick out of doing the simplest thing like going for a two hour walk whenever I feel like it then so be it!

Life Happens!

Life happens as you live. You can plan it all you want, but you blink and there it is, the way it's supposed to be. I had four children by the time I was twenty-six years old and struggled through most of it trying to provide for them while developing myself as an adult. I worked part time, went to school fulltime and mothered 25 hours a day. I felt over whelmed, at times exhausted, more than once, anxious, but I never lost hope that I would be ok. People used to wonder how I did it with four kids, but I guess I never really thought about it. It was my life and how I was living. One falls into a rhythm and learns as one goes along, experiencing moments along the way.
I would never want my children to go through what I did, but would I change it? Hell NO! Today I find myself rejoicing in the life I have lived and am living, with all it's kits and caboodles, and with four beautifully spirited children to boot! :)
We are shaped not by our experiences but by how we handle and experience those experiences. Some experiences build fear and apprehension, while others build hope and strength. Depending on how we handle it, it can make us timid or fearless for the next time.
Some people become skeptical, giving up on love because they were hurt by someone whom they allowed themselves to be vulnerable with, and so it happens the next time love presents itself, they become cautious and doubtful and therefore may miss out on something special. While others learn from it and know what to look for or steer clear from the next time. Some folks become frustrated because they are not where they want to be, or they don’t have what they think they should have, feeling disappointed in themselves, never realizing or noticing that they are blessed with what they need. On the flip side, many take the experiences to mean that they need to go in another direction and find themselves in a better place.
We may think too much about what we're supposed to be or supposed to have, instead we need to try being present in the life we live. Life happens either way, so we might as well enjoy it!

Be Happy! :)

Last year I had a bout with what my doctor thought was rheumatoid arthritis (RA). If you don't know what that means you are lucky! Rheumatoid arthritis is a form of inflammatory arthritis and an autoimmune disease. For reasons no one fully understands, in rheumatoid arthritis, the immune system – which is designed to protect our health by attacking foreign cells such as viruses and bacteria – instead attacks the body’s own tissues, specifically the synovium, a thin membrane that lines the joints. As a result of the attack, fluid builds up in the joints, causing pain in the joints and inflammation that’s systemic – meaning it can occur throughout the body. (http://www.arthritis.org/) Each morning I would wake up with pain in different parts of my body. At a point I couldn't even use my hands. I struggled in pain to do everything. Basic things that we don't think about like walking or tying our shoes was a feat. I cringed at the thought of clasping my bra in the back. OUCH! I couldn't do anything! But of course being a mom, one really has no choice but to do! I did everything but slower. I must admit though I did skip cooking dinner a few times. Anywho, because I was physically suffering, it started to mentally mess with me. I stopped going to the gym, swimming was a no go with sore shoulders. Even my walks by the water became a painful task so I stopped all together.

Physical activities release a lot of stress and tension and clears my mind or at the very least helps me put things into perspective. Without it, I found myself sinking into some kind of depression. I just wanted to sleep and didn't want to be around anyone. Many folks that knew me well worried that I was not my usual happy-go-lucky self. It was pretty bad. I kept thinking how was I going to be able to live like this? I was sulking and feeling bad for myself. I hated myself for allowing me to slip into a funk, so I decided to take control of it. I went to a specialist to get his opinion on my diagnosis. I was hopeful when he said that my body may fight it and it may go away with little or no damage to my joints. I started researching RA, and looked at what kinds of foods, exercises and supplements would help. I figured thousands of people live with RA so why should I have self pity. Days which I felt better, I forced myself to swim or go for a walk. Little by little I strengthened my spirit and started believing that I would be ok no matter what happens.

I had to start taking my own advice: mind over matter. State of mind influences how one deals with situations. There were certain things which I started to come to terms with, like I probably wouldn't be able to use my four inch heels anymore or do my strength training at the gym. It could've been worse. Although slow, I was able to walk. I would smile each morning as I would test out my hands and they would actually make a fist without pain. Days that were more painful I decided would be my relaxing days, so I stretched out like a cat on my bed, found a comfy position and would nap hoping to wake up feeling better.

Although I suffered, I did learn to be happy for the things I was able to do, and was grateful that I wasn't worse off. I was happy to be able to move freely some mornings, and even laughed at myself as I walked like an old lady to the bathroom other mornings. I was happy to be able to take hold of my mental state so that I was then able to deal with whatever was ailing me. Now I am back at it, wearing my heels and happy as can be. Keyword? You guessed it, Happy! Be Happy for the little things and the rest shall follow!