Hold On...

How hard is it to hold true to self when in a relationship? I understand compromising and adjusting to make relationships work, but when is it too much? I think about how folks are attracted to the essence of another, but as soon as they are in a relationship, each one starts to change to conform, thinking that they are helping the relationship. Or as with many relationships, many try to change their partner to better fit their needs or ideas of what they want in a relationship. As a result, sooner or later down the line, one or both people become resentful or are no longer fulfilled in the relationship leading to a breakdown and/or breakups.
As we enter into relationships, we enter in a way that has been affected by previous relationships. Some folks are timid and careful, several go in fully, while others even go in knowing that there is no future in it. Past hurts become present lesson learned and many times building blocks to walls built for protection from those same hurts. Past hurts also work to help us recognize patterns into what can happen in the new relationship, hence the timidness. Depending on how we have dealt with the hurts, it can hurt or help the new relationship.
As we grow and learn about each other, we might be bothered by idiosyncrasies, which, by the way, we once thought was cute, and speak on it. "Why do you always do that?" becoming "Can you not do that!?" Or we might even have disagreements on certain things that we hold dear, like our values, ideals or even on how to best rear children, leading to one hushing their own feelings to make peace. So where does that leave us?
Relationships are important! We should have that one person that knows the inner workings of our being. It's also nice to have someone that you can share and chill with, and is available to you. But, how do we hold on to ourselves and not end up by ourselves?

Getting in the Way of What I'm Feeling!

Emotions run high from time to time. Got me wondering what now? I'm young, single and fabulous! ;) How do I go on with my life, while nurturing my children's life? I was in another world for twenty years and now I walk into one in which guys just push up on you at the club without even asking you to dance and I'm supposed to feel what? Honored? Ha! I'm not sure how it all works nor am I certain I want to know, but at some point I do have to play my hand. It has been great getting to know me, but then I start to think about how amazing it would be to have someone to share that with. Solitaire isn't going to cut it as my kids grow and leave the nest, which is looming in the near future.

How do I go on not knowing or trusting what others' intentions are? Seems like everyone has a hidden agenda. I know that's not true, but it feels that way. I worry about changing or interrupting my relationship with my kids. Will I find someone worth bringing into the dynamic? My kids are protective of their mama and would think it awkward if there was mama and a boyfriend, which is probably a small part of the reason I stayed married past the point of no return. But then I think, they are grown and need to be realistic. Why would you want mama to be alone? It's not about needing a man! It's about companionship and friendship. Plus, I talk a lot, and need a actual person to listen. lol

After learning about who I am and what I like, there is no sacrificing. I learned that love should be about loving the essence of a person, so why change that? I don't want a soul mate! I want to keep my soul. Giving up my soul, made me blind to what was happening to me all in the name of love. I want to be wide awake! I want to revel in the love, not drown in it! I am who I am, so it's a take it or leave it situation.

In the meantime, I am going try word games.