Shifting My Gears!

I started out my new school year with much enthusiasm and excitement.  After only a month, my gears are starting to downshift and I'm not liking where it's going.  Life is overwhelming me and I feel as though I am holding my head above water, just enough to take a small breath.  I tend to quiet myself, avoiding others so that I could regain my strength.   I become pensive and others start to wonder about my usual cheery self.  I am trying to counter act all the negatives pulling me down with the positives that I usually find to hold me up, but at this point I need to look for reinforcements!!!

Different avenues for inspiration always seem to find its way to me.  Or maybe I open myself up to such opportunities, but I use the forces to help me move on.  I remember a few years back, I was in tears, but still forced myself to go to the gym.  As I walked on the treadmill, trying to psych myself out for a run, I looked up reading the T-shirt of the girl in front of me.  It said, "Life Goes On!" I laughed out loud, thinking "I know this," but yet I was caught up in self pity that I couldn't get out of my own way.   I ran for 20 minutes, confident in knowing that I was going to get through.

And now, I find myself confused about how to deal or change how things are going.  I feel pulled in many directions and feel obligated to be a certain way, basically type cast in a responsible mother role.  Although many things around me are changing, I feel stagnant and afraid to move.

The other night I was watching television, which I rarely do, but it was that kind of a day.  I caught the end of Iyanla: Fix My Life.  Each episode is about Iyanla helping others solve their problems.  After she summarized the process of that particular episode, she closed the show with her tag line, "Through muddy waters....Stay in peace, not pieces."  Just that few minutes reminded me that I am at peace, even through tribulations.  I am comfortable in my own skin and confident in my skills.
What ever it is, it shall be, and I will be okay, maybe even better on the other side of it!

And You Know This Maaaan!

When we get shocking news, like Whitney Houston is dead at 48, we are then reminded that life is short! (May she rest in peace!) What is it about the way we live, that we forget and take for granted those things that are the most important, like spending time with family and friends, or the fact that we are able to rise up out of our bed and see what the day holds? We make excuses as to why we can't do the simplest thing like paying attention to our life. Many can't see past their own pain and as a result disregard the presence of joy in other things around them. Our own life gets in the way!

Growing up my family was close. So close that we all lived on the same street, for a time the same house. Together my family bought a six family house to house the growing clan. We started to spread out as we got older, but my grandparents remained the center fixture that brought us back together at the end of each day or at least weekends and definitely holidays. We did everything together! I went to high school with so many of my cousins, I believed that that was what everybody did. (I don't know if that's saying much, since we Cape Verdeans are all related...lol) My friends were my cousins. My mother repeatedly said, "If they didn't, you couldn't!" The presence of family was always all around me. My grandparents wanted it that way! After they passed, my family wasn't the same. There was no center to unite us. Everyone was doing their own thing, putting on the back burner what we were accustomed to most of our lives. It wasn't until after our youngest uncle passed unexpectedly, at forty nine years of age, that most of us realized how we neglected our bond. We regained our composure as family and had to plan to get together to insure that we continued what was important to us, FAMILY! We started monthly brunches and other get togethers. It does take effort, but it is all the more worth it, because once we get together we don't want to part!

It is in death that we are reminded of those things that we knew were important to us. We all know that life is short. We all know that our time is precious. We all know that we are not promised tomorrow. Set aside prejudice and pettiness, grudges and grief, and take hold of friendship and family, peace and love. In the end we all want the same thing, to love and be loved.
Let's not wait until we lose some one.

Drink in the Moments!

It can always be worse! Life gives us lemons and most of us try our best to make lemonade, but others sulk in the misery of the bitter taste. If I stop a moment and let life's to do's and got to's sink in I would drown. Although sometimes I feel I am just at the surface with my head above water, at the very least I can swim! Problems will come and go. If it's not one thing, it's another. We all know this! So why is it that when those problems arise, some of us lose it, letting our problems control us. Our attitudes change. Our actions are lead by emotions, which may mean that we just cussed out our bffs or yelled at our mothers, (God forbid!)
Sometimes problems are out of our control and sit in the hands of others that may or may not realize they are tampering with our happiness and peace. What can we do? Well, if we can't change it, move on. Find other ways to solve the problem. Get help if necessary. I know this is a difficult task, being one of those stubborn "I got this" women. Which is ironic, because I'm a strong believer in the fact that people that come into, and some may stay, in your life are the people God intends for us, as He intends us for them.

I can sit here and write about my issues that swirl around me as we "speak", but I will spare you, and myself for that matter, because as my fore-mentioned statement "it can always be worse." I'm chillin' with some mimosas, waiting for my chicken and mushroom frittata to be ready. My kitchen smells delectable, my heater is purring keeping me warm, and my children (my grown ass children) are within earshot, minus Sam who is at school working hard on another successful dean's list worthy semester. What more can I ask for?

Make the lemonade, dress it up with umbrellas and garnish, even if we have to spike it from time to time, but remember it can always be worst.

Unraveling Our Gift!

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho


I believe that we each have an inherent gift. It is that thing that we live and breathe. That thing that we can't stop thinking or talking about. It is that thing that strengthens us and makes us feel good. That thing that may even make us a little scared if we put it out there for the world to see. There are born leaders. Those whom people feel comfortable and confident following. There are born nurturers. Those who will reach out to those in need without question and want everyone to be ok. They may even overlook their own needs. There are those who are fortunate enough to figure out their gift early in life, and those who struggle to find what their purpose, but once they find it...oh what a joyful noise!

It is within me that my writing lives. I eat, sleep, and play writing. No matter how much I may ignore the words, until I write it down, my mind stays boggled with ideas. Sometimes I need to be by the water in my thoughts to settle the words and see what comes out. Words follow me everywhere. I see things in prose or poetry. When I was 15 years old I decided that I wanted to be a published writer and had a title for my book. I wanted the book to be about my life, but was thinking how boring my book would be with only fifteen years under my belt and I hadn't much experienced life. So I wrote down my title, illustrated my cover and left it in a folder for when I was ready. As I lived, the book stayed tucked away inside me.

When I thought I was ready, I stumbled getting some pages done, but couldn't work through the emotions long enough to stay focused. I had to reflect on how and what I was doing that made the process so difficult. Sometimes we need to silence influences around us in order to understand how our spirit is guiding us. At times we may have people around us that may stunt that gift. They may be pessimistic or nonbelievers in what is truly within us to do, and may go as far as to stifle us. These are the people that we need to keep at arms length or if necessary cut out of our lives. As we enter yet another new year, we need to reflect on what we need to change, keep constant or consistent or add on to our lives in order to unravel our gift. My life has taken me on interesting twists and turns and have given me fuel to pen my world and soon will help me accomplish my 23 year old dream. True freedom is being able to realize that gift.

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

I wanted to share an amazing piece that my daughter wrote. Here I am thinking that I need to be her strength and hope, in turn she gave me just that.

Lifetime With Morrie


Most teenagers spend their summers on the beach with friends, ignore homework until the night before school starts, and almost never do their summer reading. I, on the other hand, spent a summer with a cute little old man, Morrie Schwartz. In other words, I was enchanted by Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. A couple of pages in and I was no longer on my front porch fighting mosquitoes off of me; I was in Mitch Albom’s shoes, meeting Morrie every Tuesday for tea.
Mitch Albom told a heartfelt story about his encounter with his old College Professor before his passing. He would visit him every Tuesday and gain new aspects of life that he, and I, would soon benefit from. His words were therapeutic for me, and in one summer, Morrie got me through a year of losing my favorite cousin to gun violence and my parents’ separation. He spoke to me so clearly, it was as if he was sitting with me on my porch steps, solving all the issues I had that no one else could help with. His positive perspective of the beauty of life even while he was dying of an incurable disease is what I admired most about Morrie.
"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (43) I learned that there are more important things to life and about life that does not consist of being the most popular kid in school or being the best dressed and trying to fit in.
I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything the summer of 2010, I wanted everyone I knew to sit down with me and get to meet my good friend, Morrie. I figured if more people got their hands on such a book, they’d have a change of hearts on what is important in their lives. I also wanted to learn more about Morrie, beyond the author’s relationship with him. I grew a certain fascination for him and youtubed his interviews and googled his biography. I wanted to know why he spoke the way he did about life and death. I was curious to find out why he was so happy and satisfied with life while it was slowly being taken from him. Morrie was strong regardless of his health. He kept a positive attitude and that helped me learn more about myself. I grew a more optimistic outlook on my own life and gained a new perspective for the people in my life and my surroundings. I learned that staying positive will eventually bring positivity to my life. I believe that’s how I got myself through a summer of losing a few friends but earning new ones. I learned from Morrie that “the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." (52)
Morrie didn’t know me but I felt the love he had for me and all of humanity through Albom’s writing. He had nothing to regret, no hatred in his heart. He wasn’t mad at death, he accepted it and for that I admired him. I felt as if the book was placed in my hands by fate. I learned that in life you go through the most awful times--there is someone doing worse than you, someone doing better than you--but always keep love and positivity in mind. With perseverance and faith, you will always get through.
Everyone usually finds inspiration and role models in their parents, athletes, or celebrities. I found my role model in a 79 year old, retired Sociology professor that I’ve never even met. Tuesdays with Morrie is a memory I can go back to if I ever forget how to appreciate life. From his story I’ve learned to always keep faith and accept any situation in life and ultimately, be thankful and know that it could have been worse.
I grew to accept my cousin’s passing and my parent’s separation because Morrie told me that everything happens for a reason. Through helping others with their own problems and sharing Morrie’s words, I found my inner strength to continue in love and positivity. I am more than thankful for that one summer day.