Help!

As a little girl, my mother didn't do much for me. She guided me, but I did the rest. If I didn't know how to do something, I would ask questions, observe and then apply to my situation. Simple things like setting my hair in rollers to unclogging a toilet or bathtub, became things that I could do, and never had to ask for help. When I became a mother, I knew how to do many things to hold down a fort, to a fault. I am wonderwoman! I would work things out and situations would end up better than expected, because of my creative effort. This characteristic has helped me and helps me survive in many ways. The mind-set I work in is always a positive one. I always believe that I'll work it out. (Don't get me wrong...at times frustrations do take over.) Over the years I have added to my "toolbox" and now feel confident in my skills. Now to speak on this "To a fault" is what has lead me to sometimes being overwhelmed. I believe that I can get everything done for myself and others, but why do I do it? Why am I so stubborn that I can't ask for help? Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. I have always said that people need people. That's why we have family, friends, cohorts of people around us. I believe this, but yet have a hard time reaching out. I'm trying to work on that starting with my grown children, who sees the wonderwoman and think I'm good, while I'm thinking...Nah I really don't need anything else to do. I want to be one of those people Barbara Streisand sings about in Funny Girl, "People." "People, People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world." After all, wonderwoman had the justice league.

Since When?

Growing up, I never realized my parents' financial status. We were clothed, fed and loved in a warm home with family all around us. My parents, who came to this country with nothing much, except for will and determination, became laborers to support their family. They came from Cape Verde, a poor country in which most of the food had to be imported from other countries. They worked hard and knew that with family support and education, we would be okay. I was happy, oblivious to the effort that they put forth to ensure that my brother and I had our basic needs met. For birthdays and at Christmas time we received gifts that made us happy, unbeknown to us, it was what they could afford. I remember waking up to a large, fuzzy, brown teddy bear on my eleventh birthday morning. It was my most valued treasure for a long time. For Christmas, we got a few new clothes, shoes and socks that would sustain us through the winter months. Although now I am aware of how they struggled, I am proud of how they succeeded in keeping our family together and happy.

With the holiday upon us, and advertisers shoving "must haves" down our throat, I was compelled to reflect at what this time of year has become. Since when did it become okay to ask for what we want for Christmas? I thought it was the gesture and thought that we put into giving someone special something special. Since when did buying expensive gifts for children who don't know the worth of anything become a trend? Children having the nerve to ask for Uggs or Northface, but yet not put any effort to earn much of anything. Since when did putting ourselves in further debt to fulfill holiday demands become acceptable? I know lots of folks who think that their tax money will go towards the hole they dug during Christmas. Since when did our love become measured by material things? If we don't give gifts to everyone we love, do we love them any less?

This time of year is about giving of yourself. We all have special talents or something to offer. We should be able to ask someone if they need help. Spend sometime with someone who is alone or lonely. Listen to a child talk about what they wonder about. Look up people that we wonder how they are doing. Comfort someone who feels overwhelmed. (With our economy, this wouldn't be hard to find.) It is the time spent with people that fill us with love and excitement. Material things get old and lose their value, but the relationships we build are, you guessed it, priceless! The relationships that my family maintained through the years, through trials and tribulation, make me feel rich! I am blessed to have so many loved one, who are actually part of my life. I love them and feel loved!

I'm not doing the bah hum bug thing, but damn do we really need to get frantic about gift giving to the point where it becomes depressing. We need to reinforce the value of love, family and friendship, no matter what kind of boots we have on!