Unraveling Our Gift!

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho


I believe that we each have an inherent gift. It is that thing that we live and breathe. That thing that we can't stop thinking or talking about. It is that thing that strengthens us and makes us feel good. That thing that may even make us a little scared if we put it out there for the world to see. There are born leaders. Those whom people feel comfortable and confident following. There are born nurturers. Those who will reach out to those in need without question and want everyone to be ok. They may even overlook their own needs. There are those who are fortunate enough to figure out their gift early in life, and those who struggle to find what their purpose, but once they find it...oh what a joyful noise!

It is within me that my writing lives. I eat, sleep, and play writing. No matter how much I may ignore the words, until I write it down, my mind stays boggled with ideas. Sometimes I need to be by the water in my thoughts to settle the words and see what comes out. Words follow me everywhere. I see things in prose or poetry. When I was 15 years old I decided that I wanted to be a published writer and had a title for my book. I wanted the book to be about my life, but was thinking how boring my book would be with only fifteen years under my belt and I hadn't much experienced life. So I wrote down my title, illustrated my cover and left it in a folder for when I was ready. As I lived, the book stayed tucked away inside me.

When I thought I was ready, I stumbled getting some pages done, but couldn't work through the emotions long enough to stay focused. I had to reflect on how and what I was doing that made the process so difficult. Sometimes we need to silence influences around us in order to understand how our spirit is guiding us. At times we may have people around us that may stunt that gift. They may be pessimistic or nonbelievers in what is truly within us to do, and may go as far as to stifle us. These are the people that we need to keep at arms length or if necessary cut out of our lives. As we enter yet another new year, we need to reflect on what we need to change, keep constant or consistent or add on to our lives in order to unravel our gift. My life has taken me on interesting twists and turns and have given me fuel to pen my world and soon will help me accomplish my 23 year old dream. True freedom is being able to realize that gift.

Since When?

Growing up, I never realized my parents' financial status. We were clothed, fed and loved in a warm home with family all around us. My parents, who came to this country with nothing much, except for will and determination, became laborers to support their family. They came from Cape Verde, a poor country in which most of the food had to be imported from other countries. They worked hard and knew that with family support and education, we would be okay. I was happy, oblivious to the effort that they put forth to ensure that my brother and I had our basic needs met. For birthdays and at Christmas time we received gifts that made us happy, unbeknown to us, it was what they could afford. I remember waking up to a large, fuzzy, brown teddy bear on my eleventh birthday morning. It was my most valued treasure for a long time. For Christmas, we got a few new clothes, shoes and socks that would sustain us through the winter months. Although now I am aware of how they struggled, I am proud of how they succeeded in keeping our family together and happy.

With the holiday upon us, and advertisers shoving "must haves" down our throat, I was compelled to reflect at what this time of year has become. Since when did it become okay to ask for what we want for Christmas? I thought it was the gesture and thought that we put into giving someone special something special. Since when did buying expensive gifts for children who don't know the worth of anything become a trend? Children having the nerve to ask for Uggs or Northface, but yet not put any effort to earn much of anything. Since when did putting ourselves in further debt to fulfill holiday demands become acceptable? I know lots of folks who think that their tax money will go towards the hole they dug during Christmas. Since when did our love become measured by material things? If we don't give gifts to everyone we love, do we love them any less?

This time of year is about giving of yourself. We all have special talents or something to offer. We should be able to ask someone if they need help. Spend sometime with someone who is alone or lonely. Listen to a child talk about what they wonder about. Look up people that we wonder how they are doing. Comfort someone who feels overwhelmed. (With our economy, this wouldn't be hard to find.) It is the time spent with people that fill us with love and excitement. Material things get old and lose their value, but the relationships we build are, you guessed it, priceless! The relationships that my family maintained through the years, through trials and tribulation, make me feel rich! I am blessed to have so many loved one, who are actually part of my life. I love them and feel loved!

I'm not doing the bah hum bug thing, but damn do we really need to get frantic about gift giving to the point where it becomes depressing. We need to reinforce the value of love, family and friendship, no matter what kind of boots we have on!

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

I wanted to share an amazing piece that my daughter wrote. Here I am thinking that I need to be her strength and hope, in turn she gave me just that.

Lifetime With Morrie


Most teenagers spend their summers on the beach with friends, ignore homework until the night before school starts, and almost never do their summer reading. I, on the other hand, spent a summer with a cute little old man, Morrie Schwartz. In other words, I was enchanted by Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. A couple of pages in and I was no longer on my front porch fighting mosquitoes off of me; I was in Mitch Albom’s shoes, meeting Morrie every Tuesday for tea.
Mitch Albom told a heartfelt story about his encounter with his old College Professor before his passing. He would visit him every Tuesday and gain new aspects of life that he, and I, would soon benefit from. His words were therapeutic for me, and in one summer, Morrie got me through a year of losing my favorite cousin to gun violence and my parents’ separation. He spoke to me so clearly, it was as if he was sitting with me on my porch steps, solving all the issues I had that no one else could help with. His positive perspective of the beauty of life even while he was dying of an incurable disease is what I admired most about Morrie.
"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (43) I learned that there are more important things to life and about life that does not consist of being the most popular kid in school or being the best dressed and trying to fit in.
I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything the summer of 2010, I wanted everyone I knew to sit down with me and get to meet my good friend, Morrie. I figured if more people got their hands on such a book, they’d have a change of hearts on what is important in their lives. I also wanted to learn more about Morrie, beyond the author’s relationship with him. I grew a certain fascination for him and youtubed his interviews and googled his biography. I wanted to know why he spoke the way he did about life and death. I was curious to find out why he was so happy and satisfied with life while it was slowly being taken from him. Morrie was strong regardless of his health. He kept a positive attitude and that helped me learn more about myself. I grew a more optimistic outlook on my own life and gained a new perspective for the people in my life and my surroundings. I learned that staying positive will eventually bring positivity to my life. I believe that’s how I got myself through a summer of losing a few friends but earning new ones. I learned from Morrie that “the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." (52)
Morrie didn’t know me but I felt the love he had for me and all of humanity through Albom’s writing. He had nothing to regret, no hatred in his heart. He wasn’t mad at death, he accepted it and for that I admired him. I felt as if the book was placed in my hands by fate. I learned that in life you go through the most awful times--there is someone doing worse than you, someone doing better than you--but always keep love and positivity in mind. With perseverance and faith, you will always get through.
Everyone usually finds inspiration and role models in their parents, athletes, or celebrities. I found my role model in a 79 year old, retired Sociology professor that I’ve never even met. Tuesdays with Morrie is a memory I can go back to if I ever forget how to appreciate life. From his story I’ve learned to always keep faith and accept any situation in life and ultimately, be thankful and know that it could have been worse.
I grew to accept my cousin’s passing and my parent’s separation because Morrie told me that everything happens for a reason. Through helping others with their own problems and sharing Morrie’s words, I found my inner strength to continue in love and positivity. I am more than thankful for that one summer day.

Getting in the Way of What I'm Feeling!

Emotions run high from time to time. Got me wondering what now? I'm young, single and fabulous! ;) How do I go on with my life, while nurturing my children's life? I was in another world for twenty years and now I walk into one in which guys just push up on you at the club without even asking you to dance and I'm supposed to feel what? Honored? Ha! I'm not sure how it all works nor am I certain I want to know, but at some point I do have to play my hand. It has been great getting to know me, but then I start to think about how amazing it would be to have someone to share that with. Solitaire isn't going to cut it as my kids grow and leave the nest, which is looming in the near future.

How do I go on not knowing or trusting what others' intentions are? Seems like everyone has a hidden agenda. I know that's not true, but it feels that way. I worry about changing or interrupting my relationship with my kids. Will I find someone worth bringing into the dynamic? My kids are protective of their mama and would think it awkward if there was mama and a boyfriend, which is probably a small part of the reason I stayed married past the point of no return. But then I think, they are grown and need to be realistic. Why would you want mama to be alone? It's not about needing a man! It's about companionship and friendship. Plus, I talk a lot, and need a actual person to listen. lol

After learning about who I am and what I like, there is no sacrificing. I learned that love should be about loving the essence of a person, so why change that? I don't want a soul mate! I want to keep my soul. Giving up my soul, made me blind to what was happening to me all in the name of love. I want to be wide awake! I want to revel in the love, not drown in it! I am who I am, so it's a take it or leave it situation.

In the meantime, I am going try word games.